All couples, without exception, have their first fight or argument sooner or later. Arguing is not a bad thing, but arguing with shouting, insults, and aggressions IS! Psychologist and marriage counselor Dr. Nathan Cobb explains how couples can avoid a heated argument and actually discuss their problems like two mature people who care and love each other.
1. Don't use degrading language
Avoid insulting and humiliating the other person. Doing so indicates a great lack of respect for their dignity. Insulting the other is the same as telling him or her that they will never be safe by our side and that no matter what, you're always right.
2. Avoid blaming your partner
There is nothing more unjust than blaming the other person for everything that is happening. Both have the same responsibility in the discussion. Blaming your partner will only prevent you from solving the problem and will invite them to be on the defensive, causing a back and forth of increasingly violent claims.
3. Don't get physically violent
Never, under any circumstances, should an argument lead to a physical aggression of any kind. No behavior that has to do with this, whether it is an attempted hit, throwing an object or raising a fist is acceptable. "If any of you resort to physical force and violence in your relationship, seek professional help," advises Cobb.
4. Don't scream
Shouting alone intensifies things and resolves nothing. When you feel that your emotions are starting to overflow and you are going to start raising the tone, it is best that you move away for a while, breathe deeply and relax to continue with the discussion in a more friendly tone. This can be subjective because sometimes it is difficult to realize when we raise the tone. Therefore, it is necessary to be attentive to how we listen at that moment.
5. Focus on the present
It is very easy to bring into the discussion things that happened years ago. This is useless and will only make everything worse. You can not change the past, you can only improve or worsen the present, so avoid leaving the subject with past issues that are not going to be solved.
6. Take turn talking
Did you ever want to talk about something and they interrupted you constantly? How did you feel? Wrong? Misunderstood?
Well, that's what your partner feels when they are constantly interrupted or you do not give them the opportunity to express their side of the story. "Take turns talking and listening so that both have the opportunity to say what they need," advises Cobb.
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